Why Feeling Fearful, and Uncomfortable is Necessary

Have you ever felt something was wrong with you because you felt scared, worried, uncomfortable, or anxious? Or that you can’t do something because of the doubtful, and fearful voice that consumes your mind?

I hear a lot of people talk about being fearless. I also hear a lot of people think that something is wrong with them when they feel scared, worried, and fearful.

Many of us are guilty of believing that the super happy and successful people don’t feel fear, or feel to the extent that we do.

This is not the truth.

Fearlessness isn’t something to strive for. You need fear it is part of evolution and being afraid is a natural human reaction to the unknown. Instead, it’s about being able to manage your emotions and work with your fear, not let it take over, and not let it govern your decisions.

There is no need to strive to shut down your emotions and in doing so strive to get rid of fear.

So, without further ado, below are my 10 top tips on how to lean into your uncomfortable feelings instead of striving to be fearless!

Before you read and digest the tips below, think about a particular situation in your life right now that is causing you to feel scared, uncertain, or even anxious. Perhaps there is something you want to do or move towards, but you are feeling scared and unsure.

1. Firstly, lose the idea of being ‘fearless’

Need I say more?

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” – Mark Twain

2. Invite fear in and make space for it

Make space for all of your feelings. Perhaps you feel scared, doubtful, and worried. It’s not your job not to push those feelings away. Instead, sit with the uncomfortable feelings and say to yourself "I notice that I feel scared so I welcome this feeling in and make space to understand it.”

3. Acknowledge and accept your feelings

Acknowledge, accept, and make peace with your feelings, knowing that feelings flow in and out of your body. Accept that your body needs to feel and experience the emotion, rather than suppress it.

“When we fight a block, it grows stronger. When we acknowledge, experience, and accept it begins to melt”

4. Get curious

Once you’ve made space for fear it’s time to get curious! In your own time, get a pen and paper and write down the following: What feels scary and outside my comfort zone right now? What could be behind the fear and the discomfort I feel? What is this revealing about myself? Can I learn anything new about myself from this?

5. Reframe your fearful thoughts

When you feel scared about a particular situation, take note of the thoughts that enter your mind just before and during the emotion.

What thoughts are you having? If your thoughts are fear-based they may sound something like “I can’t do this because of xyz.”

Write down the thoughts and reframe them into something more empowering instead, this way you are more likely to take aligned action rather than act from a place of fear.

6. Lean into your values

Fear offers you an opportunity to lean into your values and personal qualities. For example, if you can align yourself with your values even when you feel scared you can trust yourself to be a person that lives in integrity with your values no matter the circumstance.

7. Check: Fear because it’s not right for you vs. Fear because it is right for you

It’s important to distinguish whether fear is masking something that could be good for you.  There is a difference between not doing something because it feels like it’s not right for you, vs. not doing something because you fear something that could be right for you.

8. Embrace getting out of your comfort zone

Confidence doesn’t grow in comfort zones and if something scares you, you can find a way to embrace it and do it anyway. Facing fear and getting to the other side requires pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone, this allows growth, expansion, and development.

“If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try” Seth Godin

9. Know your limits and comfort your nervous system

Ensuring you know how to look after yourself and regulate your nervous system will determine whether you can thrive outside your comfort zone. One way of doing this is to build anchors to your comfort zone, for example gradually stretching your abilities, growing, learning, and taking small steps.

10. Detach from mindset traps such as worst-case scenario thinking

When feeling fearful, your mind may tell you “Something bad could happen.” Instead of thinking about the worst that could happen, what if you could allow yourself to see the possibilities instead and think bigger than the fear?

How might this be better than you imagine? What good might come out of this situation?

Moving forward:

Fear and uncomfortable feelings will always show up in your life, and you can move forward regardless. It’s never about eliminating fear and being fearless, it’s about working with your fear instead.

I hope you can start applying some of the above to your life. See what works for you, stay open-minded, and give at least one of the tips a try!

With love,

Ellie