How to Stop Feeling Unworthy
Have you ever felt like the environment you are in has knocked you down? Caused you to doubt yourself? Made you question your worth?
Maybe it’s the job you’re in, the people you’re surrounded by, or a relationship you have been in?
Last week, as I was driving in my car, I had a thought that went something like this:
“It can feel impossible to feel good, love, and accept yourself when everything good you are trying to feel and believe about yourself is rarely seen and reinforced by others.”
And it’s true. We live in a world where recognising our worth and accepting ourselves can feel difficult - not just because we need to learn self-acceptance, but because the people and situations around us often challenge that acceptance.
You might come away from situations or people feeling smaller, inferior, insecure, misunderstood, or invalidated, and there will, of course, be multiple reasons why, as each situation and relationship you find yourself in is complex and nuanced.
In this post, I’m going to talk about something that I feel is important to shed some light on: Feeling unworthy in different situations and how to stop feeling this way
Firstly, what is self-worth?
Self-worth is about recognising your inherent value. It’s about knowing that you are worthy of love, respect, and success simply because you exist. Your worth isn't dependent on how others see you or how much you achieve. It’s always there.
Personally, I think this is a hard one to get your head around and accept. When I first read the definition of self-worth, I thought, “Yeah, really? What a load of rubbish - how can we exist and deserve everything good even if we are flawed?!”
That was my thinking at the time, as I hadn’t grasped the true meaning behind self-worth.
Let’s not confuse worthiness with complacency or take away from the fact that being worthy of good things does not mean you don’t have to do the work or excuse any of your unhealthy behaviours.
It does mean, however, that the foundation of the relationship with yourself needs to be built on deep love and acceptance for yourself. You must know that you have so much value regardless of what’s going on around you.
And while knowing our worth is an inside job, our environments do impact us and how we feel about ourselves. When we are surrounded by people or systems that validate us, encourage our strengths, and appreciate who we are, it’s easier to feel confident and connected to our worth. But when we’re in environments that don't recognise or value our qualities, we may begin to question ourselves.
The external pressures on our self-worth
So, maybe you work for a manager who constantly points out your flaws, or you find yourself dating someone where societal milestones are prioritised, making you feel like your worth is tied to things like when you can have children, what you own, or where you are in life.
Or you might try setting boundaries with family or work, but they accuse you of being selfish or isolate you when you don’t conform to their ways.
It can feel challenging to build a strong, loving relationship with yourself when external forces seem to make it harder, or even stop you from believing in your worth altogether.
You need to know your worth more
But what if... that's exactly why you need to feel worthy even more?
Challenges, projections, and others' opinions will happen. It’s inevitable. But it’s not about changing yourself to fit them; it’s about standing your ground in who you are and knowing your foundation is solid.
When you have a solid relationship with yourself, built on love and acceptance, you can listen to criticism and opinions, and you can feel rejection without letting it define you. You know that it's not a reflection of you or your worth because you understand yourself and your value.
Instead of seeing these people and situations as reasons why you aren’t enough, try to see them as reasons to strengthen the relationship you have with yourself.
Practical tips for strengthening your self-worth
So, how can you strengthen your relationship with yourself, especially when life feels like it’s constantly challenging your worth? There are many ways you can do this. Here are a few of my favourite tips:
Create emotional boundaries: Learn from feedback, but don’t internalise it. Reflect on constructive criticism, but recognise it’s not a reflection of you.
Acknowledge all your positive traits: Create a list of the traits and qualities you bring to the world, including what you bring to work, friendships, and relationships.
Gratitude for you: Turn that list of positive traits into a gratitude practice and write down what you appreciate about yourself.
Know your values: Take time to understand what you value in life, so you can align environments and relationships with those values.
Lean into the learning: Don’t be hard on yourself when you make mistakes. See them as opportunities to grow, learn, and make better choices moving forward as the relationship with yourself and your worth changes.
Choose to be curious: Be curious about your feelings and reactions as this helps you understand yourself better and respond to struggles in a more compassionate and understanding way.
Take a bad manager, for instance. There is no denying it is frustrating to deal with someone who doesn’t see your value, but what can you learn from it? Was there any constructive feedback you can take with you to improve? Did it show you that you’ll never tolerate that type of behaviour again? Do you know your value? Are you ready to move away from this manager?
You are worthy of love and respect, and the more you honour that, the better you’ll be at spotting people and environments that support your worth.
Keep moving toward better
Once you’ve built that strong relationship with yourself, and continue to do so, you keep moving into spaces that are more aligned with how you think and feel about yourself.
Remember, this is all a process and not a reason to doubt who you are or question your worth. Every time you reconnect with your worth, every time you stand up for yourself and make decisions that honour your needs, you’re moving toward a higher sense of self-worth.
These challenges will always be a part of life, but how you respond to them is where your power lies. Keep strengthening the relationship you have with yourself.
I’d love to hear from you! What’s one lesson you’ve learned that has helped you strengthen your relationship with yourself? Share it in the comments below or send me a DM. I’m here for you.